My computer is experiencing issues at the moment. As in, probably going to have to send it off somewhere to have it fixed, it was giving me the blue screen of death type of issues :-(
My updates will be sporadic until it's fixed but I'm going to try to keep them coming :-)
In high school, my favorite class was Latin. It was definitely one of the toughest -- we moved fast with none of those wishy washy let's-color-the-clothing worksheets a la Spanish or French -- but also the most fun and stimulating class I enjoyed. Where my English teachers would ignore Shakespeare's bawdy jokes, my Latin teacher would encourage discussion and facilitate understanding of raunchy bits of classicism.
One of my favorite poets (and my all time favorite Latin poet) is a fellow by the name of Catullus. (Pronounced cah-TULL-us, for you language geeks like me out there!) He lived from about 84 to 54 BC and was presumed to have died around the age of thirty. Here are some more details about him. His biography isn't important for our purposes; just the fact that he had a tumultous affair with a wealthy man's wife, Clodia, whom he referred to in many more well known poems as "Lesbia."
Catullus 2 and 3 are what I like to call the "Sparrow" poems... and he's not necessarily talking about a sparrow. Here's the translation to Catullus 3: "Lugete, O Veneres Cupidinesque", with an assignment I wrote my senior year. It's not quite a rebuttal to this poem in particular, but parts of it could be read thusly....
Lugete, O Veneres Cupidinesque:
Mourn, O Venuses and Cupids!
And as much of you as love beauty:
My girl's sparrow is dead...
Sparrow, the delight of my girl,
Which she loved more than her own eyes.
For he was honey-sweet and knew
Her as well as the girl her own mother,
Nor did he move himself from her lap,
But hopping now here, now there
He chirped continuously for his mistress alone.
Now he goes through the dark journey
From where they deny any return.
But curse upon you! Cursed darkness of
Pluto, swallowing all beautiful things:
You have taken my beautiful sparrow.
O wretched deed! O miserable sparrow!
It's your fault my girl's little eyes
Are swollen and red from weeping.
Lesbia's Reply: (click the link to view it larger; I couldn't get the fonts to work out correctly to place it strictly in blogger) I have to warn you that I'm never this mean and nasty! I was trying to channel Lesbia when I was writing it :-) I know many men suffer from ED and it's not a pleasant thing.
Do you have a sex hero?
Because I do. Sheri Winston used to be a midwife. It turns out that paying close attention to the fruit of sexual encounters teaches you a lot about sexuality itself.... and man does she know about sex!
A few months ago I was lucky enough to attend a class with her in Asheville, NC. It had the catchy title of “Getting Off on Going Down and Giving Head” and was about how you could make yourself feel good right along with pleasuring your partner. She really emphasizes that although sex is natural, it's also a skill that can be learned through such things as using your breath and sounds in particular ways. And since she can make herself orgasm after only taking three breaths... well... I think she knows what she's talking about. (As a side note, I was texting my cousin on the way to class and told her where I was going. She wanted to know why in the blazes I would go take a class on that! I wanted to know why shouldn't wouldn't want to learn how to make herself feel better :-)
I know that following some of the techniques I learned in her class and her book have really made a difference in my own sexplorations, both with myself and a partner (although my partner play with them has been limited, I'm pretty sure that practice will make perfect on this one!) I also learned a lot of things about my own anatomy that really surprised me. I mean, I've been interested in sex since I was too young to know what it was, and frankly, I've always considered myself to be scientifically well educated about my own body – but how many of you know about the female erectile network? She's an engaging speaker and writer and really manages to make things feel fun and juicy and not awkward at all.
In the interest of fairness, I have to say that I did sign up to be an affiliate for her.... but after I'd already written this post. I'm just tweaking it now :-) One of the things I love about her website is that she offers a few things for free so that you can wet your feet and see kind of what she has to offer. As for her classes, she offers several of them online that you can listen to at your leisure (and I believe she's running a Christmas special right now.) These run the gamut from teaching you female ejaculation to focusing on orgasmic abundance or even drawing the connections linking birth and sexuality. If I had more money, I would definitely buy all of them as Christmas presents to myself. As it is, I think her classes or book would be fabulous gifts to enjoy with your partner or to promote positive sexuality among your friends, etc. If you do nothing else, at least go check out her freebies!
Today I had either my final or second to last session with my current counselor. While I don't deny that she has been helpful to an extent, I think I will best serve myself by switching shrinks when classes resume in January. The reason? Her obvious disapproval with my lifestyle choices. If I wanted to feel withdrawal and anger from someone I chose to confide in, I have several female relatives who would fit the bill. (Not only do I plan to switch counselors, but I'd rather switch to a male one -- I'm rather more at ease around men in general.)
I give you this introduction because I've been thinking (off and on) for the last few months about submission and psychology. This close to exams, my thoughts are in a bit of a jumble, so I'll give you some bulleted points instead :-)
* While bondage and the like in the bedroom still has a definite stigma to it, it is becoming a bit more mainstream in the media/daily life. I've talked in general terms with several different people who had no real thoughts on it one way or the other and certainly weren't horrified by it. If I had changed the conversation to talk about submission in relationships in general, I can guarantee some of those people would have flipped their lid.
* I remember the author of the blog Persephone in Love (she's made her blog private a few months back) writing about BDSM as self therapy. I believe she said something about how we each have our certain issues and how we deal with them can be either helpful or harmful. I think the example she used was a couple who had control issues expressed through money issues, which led to fights, secrecy, and generally unhealthy behavior, but it was... socially acceptable unhealthy behavior. She then talked about having those same control issues but dealing with them through D/s in order to turn them into pleasurable experiences which didn't allow the psychological bullshit to negatively impact daily life. I wish I had a copy of the essay she wrote on the topic.
* I can't find hardly anything in the academic psychological sphere about D/s (or DD, or any other "unbalanced power sort of" relationships. What I've found is negative in view and I think is more predisposed to talking about submissive males (I don't have a problem with this but I'm more interested in learning about sexual and traditional gender roles where the female is the submissive one and the male is the dominant one). Does anyone else have any resources to point me to? I believe my aunt told me that all of "this stuff" is still classified under Abnormal Psychology.
* From an evolutionary standpoint, traditional gender roles make sense to me. Men and women typically (but not always, of course) have different skill sets which lend to the idea of women being the "weaker sex". However, I also think that women are quite powerful. (I love reveling in my womanhood, personally... and when I take the time to do so I personally feel more powerful *shrug*) In fact, just as I often think it takes a strong man to let himself cry when necessary and appropriate, I think it takes a strong woman to willingly submit to another but not subdue her own sense of self and worth.
* As well, I also think that whether you are a man or a woman, for you to know yourself and allow yourself to fully experience your own desires and needs signifies a certain kind of strength. I mean, as long as your desires aren't doing bad things to children or anything like that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that allowing yourself to fully live, with all of what that means within and without of the sexual arena is a good thing. (Although I certainly have fantasies that I would never act on... I also have those that I do which aid me in knowing myself, healing, and giving me pleasure.)
Just a few thoughts that have been jumbling through my head recently. I'm sure I have more, but this is quite enough for now :-) I'd love to have a conversation going in the comments about all of this!
I'm a twenty something year old student with a passion for life, love and yes -- sexuality. This blog is my gateway to discovering new ideas and working towards a sex positive world.
