Recens

A Modern Lament:

I want wit in my wordplay—

the sharp-cutting directness of a
Shakespearean barbed jibe, and the
debauched baseness of a broken sparrow.
I want debate and liveliness and scholastic
wooing with spirited seriousness and an
underlying sincerity of playful emotion.

I want it all.

I want artful posturing and deep seated realness.

I want life, love, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
with a man completely lovable in his intelligence and
willingness to get down with me in the dirt.

I want a babe in my belly and a ring on my finger--
knowing that All is Well that Ends Well.
 

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Photo found via this photostream. 

11 Ways I Make Myself Feel Sexy

Tonight I'm going to a bar. 

I know, big deal, right?  Well.... it kinda is.  It will only be my second time in a bar, for starters, and the fact that I've a bit of an anxiety and shyness problem doesn't really help me at all. 

My solution?  Spend oodles of time today making myself feel absolutely beautiful, sensual, and sexy before I even hop in the car.  If I've spent all day making myself feel amazing, then that positive mindset will help me kick it into gear when it matters :-

)  So in no particular order, here's my list of the top things that I do when I need to make myself feel more sexy, confident, and alluring:

1.  I get enough sleep.  Or try to, at any rate.  Even though I sometimes have a bit of insomnia, I attempt eight hours of sleep as much as possible.  If I'm well rested, I feel better in nearly every situation. 

2. I heighten my senses.  Senses aren't only good for sexual situations... I try to focus in on small things such as the exact taste of my midday soup or the rich aroma of the beeswax I melt in a crockpot or the feel of the silverware in my hand as I wash my spoons and forks and put them to rest in their drawer. 

3. I exercise.  You know how those endorphins kick in when you have great sex? (Or some chocolate!) They kick in when you exercise, too.  Plus it helps you stay healthy and being healthy is definitely a turn on.  Personally the whole idea of exercising irritates me though and I normally stick to walking with my Ipod somewhere with nice scenery.

4. I pamper myself.  It's nice to take a candlelit bath, drink a little expensive wine, and have a few chocolates. I haven't managed to fall into a steady skin care regime, but when I'm going for decadent I always tie some oats up in a little cloth bag and wash my face (and the rest of me) with it.  The oatmeal is moisturizing and can be slightly exfoliating and leaves a fresh scent behind. 

5.  I enjoy being naked.  Why cover myself up when I can do simple things sans clothing?  Checking email and folding laundry doesn't require clothes on to do a good job.  When I'm naked, I feel more aware of myself and consciously in my body. 

6.  I say my affirmations.  On my mirror I've written "I am a sexy, smart, successful, confident, beautiful, magnificent woman" above the place where I usually stand and would see the reflection of my face.  Yes, it's cheesy, but it really does work.  Oh, and this is one that works great naked!

7. I dance.  Sometimes naked for this one, too ;-)  I know I could have included it in with the exercise, but dancing is just.... sensuality unleashed.  No one has to watch you.  Just move to the music and feel it entrancing your senses, ushering you along with it.  Belly dance music is really great at getting me into a sensual mood. 

8.  Speaking of moving, I walk confidently.  Being aware of your body really does help you to feel good about it.  Take note of your posture.  Are you slumped over? Work on sitting or standing up straight.  That one is definitely one that I'm working on.  Do your hips have a bit of a sexy sway when you walk?  If they don't, why not?  Maybe you need to slow your pace down so you can feel like you own the room. 

9.  I dress for it.  I put a lot of emphasis on my knickers (or lack thereof!) in this one ;-)  Occassionally I'll want to feel a bit of a tease and go without my panties.  Other times I'll want to wear the most gorgeous pair I own as my own little delicious secret under my clothing.  When I want to feel sexy, I don't wear anything baggy and loose -- properly fitted garments (preferably in a softer fabric with a bit of a feminine cut) make me feel beautiful here. 

10.  I do some kegels.  When women work their pelvic floor muscles, they are stimulating the female erectile tissue.  This can lead to easier and earlier arousal as well. 

11.  I think about sex.  If I want to feel sexy, it only makes sense that I would think about sex, right?  I might read an erotic story or play with myself -- or both.  If I'm able to reach orgasm before I have to go anywhere stressful, it has the added benefit of calming me down a bit :-) 

Those are my top eleven.  What do you do to make yourself feel sexy?

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If you liked this post, you may enjoy my article about taking a sensual shower.  And why not take the plunge to sign up for email updates while you're at it?  

Photo found here via Tumblr.

Sex is Sacred

I've been reading some things lately about sexuality that make me cringe. 

Actually, it was this article (5 Reasons Not to Sleep with a Virgin) that sort of pushed me over the edge and into writing this blog post.  The five reasons that the author writes of are that there's extra prep work, there's freak out potential, she'll likely get attached, she lacks skills, and it could get messy. 

I think you can guess that the article kind of pissed me off.... but I'm still sorting my thoughts out effectively as to why.  I guess my primary reason is that if a man hasn't already thought of these things after he knows the woman he wants to bed is a virgin, then he's not the sort of man worth losing your virginity to in the first place.  Now, I suppose exceptions can be made in some cases for men who are virgins too.  If they do know alot about sex, however, even maintaining their own virgin status, then why haven't they thought of at least three of these on their own?

Now, I want to say from the onset that I don't want to get anyone's dander up.  I'm certainly in no position to judge anyone else (I know, that's kind of what I'm doing though, isn't it?) and I generally go by the attitude that your personal life is your personal life.  It's none of my business.  And even if something isn't necessarily for me, that doesn't mean I don't fantasize about it or appreciate it if it's something for you. 

The truth is, though, that I believe sex is sacred.  Another day I'll start my series on Sex and Religion (it's definitely in the works!)  and go all indepth on why I believe certain things, etc.  Honestly, I'm a Christian and if I lived the way that I think I need to live, I would be celibate. 

The truth is though, that I'm not.  But that doesn't mean that I still don't view sex and my sexuality as spiritual.  Obviously I know that a rough fucking and a gentle lovemaking are different in their emotional composition, but still... for me, I need a connection.  I can't do one night stands.  That would cheapen it for me nearly as much as a virgin who discovered she was just another notch on some playboys belt. 

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Phote found via Lordschuft's photostream. 

Need a Sore Bottom? Ride a Horse!

Yesterday, I went horseback riding for the first time in years.  Nothing special -- no wild and crazy moves.  I spent most of the time at a walk lazing around an arena.  It was awesome, by the way... I absolutely love horses.  (And I've always wanted to pull a Lady Godiva and go horseback riding naked.  Preferably bareback.  I know that the potential of having my girly bits splayed open across a horse's back is a bit unsanitary, but it seems like it would be such a decadent experience, don't you think?)

Of course, by the time bedtime rolled around, I noticed that my ass was sore.  Not precisely the same soreness that  you'd get from a spanking, but near enough that it put this post in my head! 

Come to think of it, I'm still sore this morning :-)  So here is my suggestion -- if you're a spankee without a spanker, and you'd like to feel an echo of a spanking, why not go find your local stables?  You can spend a pleasant afternoon in the saddle communing with nature, and also feel a bit of burn on your bottom later.  Win-win, right?

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Photo found via Tumblr.  I have no rights to it. 

A Stolen Moment

You touch my hand, softly, caressing the back of it and waiting to see how I will respond. I hold my breath, not pulling away, yet not daring to go further... you're so difficult to read, you know. You smile, and bring my hand to your lips and oh so lightly—light as a feather!--you brush against it, and in that moment you've won me over—not that you hadn't before, when it comes down to it. But now, I am no longer afraid. Tentative, hesitant, shy—quite so, but unafraid.

You draw me to my feet and nestle your hand at the small of my back as you usher me across the room, back into the place where the lights are dim and the music plays, just a brush across the eardrums. The bedroom. I smile; a toothy grin would not be right with the solemnity of the occasion, and so I temper it, a demure upturning of my lips to signify that I find your attentions most welcome.

I know it's wrong. I know that we should not be doing this. My husband is a bastard and your wife is a shrew and both of them are with their respective lovers, doing God-knows-what in who-knows-where. And really, why should I care? You are here and so am I and I know that it is a vague, undefined thing we have—I know I love you.

Do you love me?

I don't dare to hope because both of us are fucked, you know.

But here, in your smile and bathed with the the warmth of your eyes, I feel beautiful. I'm moaning even before you can slip the satin off my shoulders, low breathy noises that he's never inspired me to make before. Can you fault me? Your ministrations are so firm, but delicate; I feel like I'm the most precious orchid, spreading my petals within the safety of your embrace.

I can feel you straining against the fabric of your trousers—boldly, I reach a hand in order to stroke against you. My dress is off; I'm standing in only my knickers—black, lacey things—and my bra—specially bought for you, but that's a secret—and I feel like you're a bit overdressed, darling. You hiss as I slip down the zipper and unfasten you. I smile, pressed against you as I move for the buttons—such interminable buttons!--on your shirt and seek to feel all of you bare against my own bare skin.

You tease me as you draw patterns on me, never once touching the places I want you to. You chuckle as I make sounds of frustrations and catch my bottom lip with my teeth in a frown. Then you're lifting my feet from under me and placing me oh so delicately on the sumptuous coverlet, and I'm patting the place beside me even as I wantonly splay my legs for your perusal.

You don't disappoint. The time for niceties and gentleness is over and I can feel my lips bruising as you all but attack them and I pull you down, closer, closer. Did we still have clothes on? They're gone now and I'm glad of it—needing skin to skin, lips to lips, hips to

Ooohh.... You slide home and I lock my legs around you, ruefully surprised at your lack of foreplay but not regretful that you've not waited. I need you, feeling the strength of your manhood in the welcoming acquiescence of my of feminine folds. You're slow tonight, but strong—nearly brutal and I dimly realize that I've never known quite this combination before when you take every thought out of my head as you speak, your voice hard and velvety as you tell me,

“Take all of me, you dirty little girl,” and I nearly come undone but you pull out at just the last possible second--

and then you're inside of me again, riding me and groaning and I can hear my own cries join with yours until at last we are

completed.

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I've started several posts over the past few days, but I haven't liked any of them.  But of course, I'd rather not leave this blog to sit for too long!  I wrote this short little piece a few months ago; I hope you like it! (And if you do, why not click here  and have blog updates sent to your email address?)

Photo found here via Tumblr. 

Severus Snape.... and Hermione Granger?

(Because I love men who are snarky, sarcastic, sadistic, strong, powerful, tortured, intelligent, angry, angsty, brave, amazing, controlled, falling apart, and unavailable.)

I had just decided not to post anything today when this popped into my head...

For starters, I am a huuge Harry Potter fan.  As the first part of the final movie came out today, it's been on my mind :-)

Secondly, I love fanfiction.  Particularly when that fanfiction involves Severus Snape in a romantic relationship with Hermione Granger.  (I'll give you one guess who I identify with the most there!)  So as a pick me up, I decided that I'd read a little fanfiction today and cheer myself up...

For the Potion Master's Amusement by snape.submiss is my all time favorite BDSM story and my all time favorite Harry Potter fanfiction.  It is completed, so you won't have to waste any time waiting for updates.  It's long, but you can space it out if you don't get hooked straight through.  It gets dark in places, angsty... but it's one of the best love stories I've ever read.  If you decide to try it, shoot me a comment and let me know!

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Showing Love in the Shower

Hey everyone!  Today's post is a guest post from my friend S.  Evidently he read yesterday's post and was inspired :-)  I hope you all enjoy; I'm sure he'd love to hear from you in the comments section!

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Let’s all be honest, showers are quite possibly the most sensual things we do alone. Even if you’re just hopping in for a quick five-minute cleanup, you still feel a rush of sensual pleasure when the warm water hits your bare skin. How often has the pleasure of the warm water turned your idea of a five-minute utilitarian washing into a half-hour or more time of just standing there and letting the water run over you? It’s happened to me more times than I’d care to admit. There’s something very soothing about sticking your head under the water and placing your hands over your ears, only listening to the sound of the water rushing joyfully over your head. You’re reading this because it’s on a sex blog, so why keep such a sensual event to yourself? Why not take some extra time to make this already pleasurable time even more special for your partner?

A good shower for yourself and your partner, like good sex, needs to begin before you’ve got the water running. You need to know what exactly your partner does to clean him or herself in the shower, and what soaps or shampoos they use. You should make sure to have towels laid out for both of you, and candles can’t hurt either.

Once you’ve got all of the things you’ll need for the shower ready, the first step is to get rid of the clothing. Don’t just rip all of the clothing off and say “Ok, let’s go!”; you want to make this a more sensual and very memorable experience for your partner, and unless your partner is a quadriplegic, they can typically do that by themselves. Start slowly, deliberately, taking the time to massage and kiss every inch of the skin under each piece of clothing you remove. Make the undressing last longer than you thought possible, the longer the better, as taking longer (within reason of course) will result in building anticipation. After both of you are naked, do something your partner doesn’t expect: if you’re a man, pick her up and carry her to the shower, and if you’re a woman, tell him to close his eyes and trust you to lead him there.

The next important step is getting the water running at the proper temperature that you will both enjoy. The best way to do this is to start it running and get it warm but not hot. You can take some extra time while the water is running to massage your partner some more. Once the water is warm and you’re confident that it won’t get any warmer unless adjusted, help your partner into the shower (especially if their eyes are still closed, which in the interest of not getting soap in the eyes isn’t a bad idea). Ask them if they would like the water any warmer, and if so, adjust it SLOWLY until they say that the temperature is right.

Once you’re both in the shower with the water running, get whatever soap they usually use, and lather them up, massaging the lather into their skin as you do. You can invite them to let their hands wander over your body while you’re washing them. Make sure to be as careful when you’re lathering up your partner as you would be on yourself: take care around wounds and other sensitive areas. Tease them occasionally, but not too much; the sensation of this will be multiplied if they have their eyes closed. Wash every inch of their body, even areas you would normally shy from (feet are a big one that’s usually avoided by many couples because they’re dirty, but honestly, right now you’re in the shower using soap!), giving more care to their bodies than they would give to themselves.

When their body is clean, then it’s on to the hair. Take extra time to massage your partner’s shampoo into their scalp, as this area has more nerve endings than most other places on the body, and has the potential to feel amazing if you do it properly. Massage your partner’s head lightly, and take extra care around the temples, making sure the pressure you apply on them is nearly nonexistent. Also be careful with the hair; while running your fingers through your partner’s hair can be a pleasing experience for both of you, running your fingers through knots or tangles in their hair is anything but, and can ruin the mood quite quickly.

Now that your partner is quite clean, it’s time to hop out, right? Not quite! You haven’t been washed yet yourself! There are two major ways to accomplish this: you can either invite your partner to bathe you, or you can have them watch while you make a sensual show of doing it yourself. No matter how you accomplish it, you’re both clean and ready to get out of the shower. This is a good time to have your partner open their eyes, as wet things tend to be slippery and we don’t want them slipping and falling on their way out of the shower!

Drying is yet another chance to massage your partner and run your hands all over their body. Again, take your time with this part. Once you’ve dried yourselves off, your partner might just want to do some things with you that would make you both need another shower! Whether you use your shared shower as a type of foreplay or not, your partner will feel how much you care for them through it, and they will appreciate the care you’ve shown to them.

• I didn’t mention this in the article itself because I would have had to retype it in every paragraph if I did. The single most important thing to remember is to communicate through the entire event, about what’s going on (this is a time for relaxation together, not a “so how was your day?” time). Ask your partner how what your doing feels, tell them how they look, describe to them the naughty things you want to do with them after they’re clean, etc. This doesn’t need to be constant chatter like you’re reading a book, but it shouldn’t be quiet either.
• Use your imagination! You know your partner better than I do, and chances are you know of things that you could add or should subtract from your shower time to make them appreciate it more. This is a gift from you to them, not from me to them, so personalize it.

PS.  I'm not sure who to attribute the photo to.  If it's yours, and you want it taken down, let me know!

Love Yourself... Shower Edition

I was planning to write about the G Spot today, but I think I should probably push it to the back burner because something else is far more important.

I'm depressed. It's been a rough year for me, and even though I'm pulling myself up out of most of the pain, it still lingers and surfaces daily – some days are worse than others. Yesterday was definitely one of those days...

There are a ton of actions that a depressed person (chronic or situational; I can point to specific things that depress me and once they're remedied I'm sure I'll feel better – it's just taking a helluva long time) can take and seeing how this is a sex blog, I'm not going to go into details on things that can't be related to sensuality and sexuality. (I'll be writing a few more pick me up posts over the next few days.) If you want more info or just a sounding board, feel free to email me (ida.virgin@yahoo.com).

When I'm down, it's often helpful to focus on the small things. Really tiny things. People tell you to take it a day at a time, but sometimes I'd rather take it hour by hour. And as soon as I write this, I'm going to go and take a shower. Not just any shower though. My shower is going to be a whole sensual event by itself. Why don't you take some time and try it out with me?

We'll start in the bedroom, laying out our clothes. Something nice, something that makes you feel good when you wear it. Something sexy. Nothing too confining or itchy or needing to be adjusted often, but something that makes you feel like a million bucks. Don't forget the underthings. Pick out your favorite bra and panties (if you're a woman, of course). Lay them out carefully, maybe on your bed or a across a chair.

Next, find your candles. Light one near your clothing, a bit of a welcoming flame for when you're ready for them. Put more candles in your bathroom; maybe when you step into the shower you won't need to turn on the lights. I won't. There's something about the dark, hazy glow of candlelight that is so comforting.

Turn on the water and adjust it to suit your need for temperature. I want mine to be plenty hot – not scorching, but the kind of heat that settles into your body when you're cold and refuses to let you stay that way.

While the water is warming, pull off your clothing little by little. Take it slow, easing your shirt off your head or inching down your pants bit by bit. Focus on the sensation it gives your skin. Is it soft? Scratchy? Silky?

When you finally step into the water, close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feel the spray as it hits your back or your side or your chest or your face. Does it sting or soothe? What sensations grab you? Lather up your body, running your hands up and over your own skin. Massage yourself, relish in the fact that you're alive. Maybe you want to tease yourself – I might. Touch every inch of yourself, slowly, taking the time to smooth your fingers over every crevice and imperfection and area that you want to hide when you're not alone. Own your body. Whisper messages of love and comfort to yourself – “I am beautiful. I am perfect. Life is wonderful.”

Maybe you're keeping it platonic. Just the sensual glide of your fingers over slick terrain with no building arousal to distract you. If you're not, stop. Move on to your hair. Feel that cool shampoo drop to rest on your hand as you squeeze it from it's bottle. Rub your palms together until that silkeness becomes foam and then bring them to your head; massage your scalp. Work from the top to the bottom or the bottom to the top, but move slowly and deliberately, a centimeter at a time until your head is so relaxed you're not sure you can keep it steady. Then rinse, letting the shampoo run in rivulets down your belly and between the crack of your ass and smile when you realize that this means you need to touch yourself again.

Let your fingers dance their way down you until all the soap is gone and all that's left is to feel the warmth of spray delighting your senses and the scent of your bath products in the air. I hope you have something decadent.

Finish off however you choose... probing your own depths until you release your body's tension in a cry of ecstasy... or stand calmly, hugging your arms around yourself in the heat until the water runs cool and forces you to move.

Either way, as you bring towel to your dampness (slowly, remember – a languid exploration!) look in the mirror and smile to yourself. You are beautiful. You are special. And today is a wonderful day.

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I'm not sure who to attribute the photo to. If it's yours and you'd like it taken down, just let me know.

G Spots Unite!

Good afternoon, everyone!  Today launches the first day of G Spot week... do you know how little information there is out there on the topic?

Anyway, I wrote today's post as an essay for a Woman's Studies course I took a few years back and figured I'd share. It's not the most well written thing in the world (I think I spend maybe five minutes to type and print it right before class :-)  but maybe it will be amusing enough to give a smile to your day. 

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My name is G Spot A34J92SK9048R.  G Spot, for short.  I have many sisters and cousins, spread out all over the globe -- we all abbreviate our name the same way: G Spot.  Sort of odd, isn't it?

We're all kind of odd, too.  We live inside women's bodies, right under the bladder and inside the vagina.  We really should change our name to G Curve; some of my cousins have already started to do that.  I decided not to -- tradition is a good thing, right?  Besides, I like my name because it means that everyone knows who I am. 

I get really pissed off sometimes though, because a lot of people don't believe that I exist.  Are they stupid?  I mean come on -- I'm talking to you right now. That's proof enough, isn't it?  I work really well in my woman's body.  Hehe.  I give her the most amazing pleasure when her man finds me.  He's pretty talented at that.  I hear my woman telling her man that the orgasms she gets when he touches me are the most amazing ones she ever has.

It's not always like that, though.  One of my cousins, G Spot, makes her woman really, really have to pee when her man touches her with his dick. Or his fingers, too, come to think of it.  Her woman doesn't like this at all because it always interrupts her time in bed with her boyfriend. Personally, I think that maybe the boyfriend needs to be experiment with the pressure he uses and the woman needs to just give it a shot and work through the sensations, but that's just me. 

I have another cousin, G Spot, whose woman can't feel her at all.  This cousin isn't very sensitive to touch.  The few times she is, though, her woman thinks it's a fluke and doesn't even realize that G Spot is working for her! It's kind of sad, actually. 

I really wish that more people would believe that we existed and try to find us. It gets very depressing; we all feel quite lonely. 

Will you help spread the word?

Miss any of last week's posts?  I think my How To Spank was the best one.  Click on the title to read it :-)

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Picture found here.

Reflections on a Sore Bottom

You could have warned me it was going to sting so much.  After all, we both knew you were the more experienced of us. The one who'd taken a woman there before... that place where you took me today.  That whimpering, stingy, struggling, gushy, painful happy place which centered around my ass, my pussy, and your hard as iron hand.

For some reason, I wasn't expecting a sting.  More of a thud, really, is how I thought it would be -- painful, but not abrupt.  Not like a wasp, but more of like a toe stub.  Thunder, not lightning.  I don't know what I was thinking.

You were gentle with me -- I know that now, as I sit (okay, not really -- as I recline) upon my bed, fingers creeping backwards every now and then to test the ever so slight soreness that you said would be gone before the night. 

Except, I don't want it to be.  Gone, that is -- I want the soreness to remain and remind me of the intoxicating futility of my struggles until the next time you pull me over your lap. 

And Sir -- may we try the paddle?

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Just a quick prose piece that came to my mind this morning :-)  The pretty paddle picture was found here.

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How to Spank My Bottom

or, Spanking Tips for Beginners

Although many of these tips may also be applicable to discipline type spankings, this list is more of a how to guide for the novice spanker and spankee who want to use a spanking session as a pleasurable accessory to their other bedroom activities.

1. Make sure that both of you are okay with a little spanking. This can be done in several ways. The most direct way is, of course, to ask. However, if you're shy or unsure, you don't always have to be so blunt about it. When you're sitting on the couch and she needs to get up for something, try a little slap on the ass to see how she responds. If she's grinning, chances are she likes it. You can feel her out for a few days this way by watching her reactions to see how she responds.

2. Next up, where is the spanking going to take place? If you're both newbies to it, try to make sure that the spanking takes place during something or somewhere that you're both already comfortable being at. My personal favorite spanking position is over his knees, on the couch. This way, my entire body is supported, and you can include things like pillows under her head. Also, especially if she's a little unsure, she can feel the connection to your body which will be reassuring. One of the big things that you need to keep in mind is confidence. If you project confidence even when you don't feel it, she is more likely to relax. This means her muscles won't be so tense and both of you will enjoy the session a lot more.

3. When you start to spank, choose which hand you're going to use first and make sure that it has free range of movement. You don't want to hit the wrong place or hit your hand on something else when you bring it up in the air. Also, keep your hand straight and flat, and don't think that you have to raise it too high in order to make an impact.

4. Start off slow. There is definitely a difference between spanking and hitting, and a pleasure spanking isn't about inflicting pain. Spank her lightly at first, and spread it out. Don't keep striking the same place every time – remember, you have two cheeks to cover, and that can be a pretty big space! One important thing to remember is to only spank one ass cheek at a time, though – bringing your hand down on both can hurt both you and your woman. As for the area to strike, make sure you focus on the meaty area of her buttocks. Too high and you hit the tailbone – possibly causing permanent damage. Don't do that. Too low and you hit the thighs, and while advanced spankers can definitely work this area a little bit, for the beginner, it's best to focus on the area that gets you the most bang for your buck and heals quickly. After each or every few strikes, massage her buttocks for a few seconds to smooth out the sting. This has the added benefit of reassuring her that you're being careful and caring and not some maniac who likes to hit women.

5. Watch for her reactions. I understand that you may not always be able to see her face, but you will be able to see other parts of her body as well as hear her reactions. If she's moaning or whimpering in pleasure, you're doing a good job. If she's crying or screaming in pain or starts to make comments about how rough it is, you probably need to either slow down or back off entirely. One way to make this process easier is to use safe words, such as asking her to say, “yellow” when she needs you to slow down or “red” when she needs you to cease and desist immediately. Safe words don't take the place of good observational skills, but they can be another tool to help you out.

6. Understand that every couple and every individual is different. It's okay to explore the world of spanking over a long period of time and get used to the dynamics as you go.

7. After the spanking, do something loving. I really cannot emphasize this enough. Yes, frequently this  will involve sex or sexual activities, but it doesn't always have to. Cuddling, kissing, and reassuring words can also go a long way to reinforcing the bond between you and your partner.  A better bond equals better sex and better life in general.  Take the time to be caring. 

More Tips:

* While many people automatically think of bare bottoms when they think of spanking, you can certainly try it for the first time or two while clothed. Just make it something not too thick, with nothing in the clothing that will dig into the skin and cause harm.

* As the spanker, you are in charge of your spankee for the duration of the session. If you keep to a repeated pattern of strokes, she may start to anticipate it. By changing it up throughout the session, you not only keep it fresh but remind her that you're in control.

* Try pausing in the middle of the spanking to tease her. After taking a moment to rub her buttocks and possibly her thighs, dip your hand or a few fingers between her legs and tease her pussy for a moment before resuming strikes.

* Talking to her while you're spanking can definitely make the experience more erotic and enjoyable. Teasing her by giving her details about how beautiful she looks across your lap with her red bottom and what you want to do with her when you've finished spanking can heighten her sensitivity and awareness even more. And remember, the more turned on your woman is, the better the sex between you will be!

{Picture above found here via Flickr}

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Film Review: Secretary

Continuing on in our Spanking Week, today's feature is a review of the 2002 movie Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader.  And of course, that's the movie trailer :-)

I love this movie.  The first time I watched it, I started it about 12:30 at night.  I only intended to watch a few minutes before I went to bed.  I ended up watching until I literally could not keep my eyes open anymore and fell asleep.  When I got up in the morning, I started it again from the beginning so I could make sure that I got the whole story :-)

Secretary is the story of Lee Holloway, a younger child from a dysfunctional family whose just been released from a mental institution.  As she tries to find her way in the world, she is able to take a job as a secretary in a lawyer's office -- the lawyer is Mr. Grey. 

Both of the main characters start the movie off as "weak", screwed up people, although sympathetic.  Lee is a cutter; Mr. Grey is a bit of an oddball who is revolted by his own sexual arousal at Lee's submissive behavior.

During the course of their working relationship, Lee and Mr. Grey begin a BDSM-esque sort of relationship.  It seems to be benefitting them both (and definitely Lee, as Mr. Grey is able to cure her of cutting herself) when Mr. Grey suddenly stops. Cold turkey. Through her unwavering love and submission, Lee is at length able to convince him that a 24x7 BDSM relationship is, in fact, for them, and the final scenes depict their married life. 

I've tried not to give too much content away, since I really believe you ought to rent the movie or look it up online and try it out for yourself.  In keeping with Spanking Week, there are several spanking scenes in it (and personally, I can relate to the one in which Lee tries to spank herself -- it just doesn't work!) that can turn you on :-)

I also have to say that I've noticed a few reviews in blogosphere that found it to be a bit offensive that the main characters were such flawed people.  The biggest part of that opinion seemed to be that it still implies that people who indulge in or need kink aren't normal, everyday folks.  My personal take on this is that if the movie had been made with "normal" people, it wouldn't have been as dramatic and probably wouldn't have been made.  It's a movie.... and on film many things seem to be exaggerated.  Plus, I like how it can show the healing power of kink -- because that certainly is part of the kinky dynamic that can be explored by many people with real problems. 

Happy viewing!

Spanking Week 2010

Welcome to Spanking Week 2010!

I've been thinking about how I'm going to organize my postings. Especially when I get really into thinking about something, there's a lot more than I can say in one post. (Heck, I am definitely a spanko – there's more than I could say in a year of postings, let alone a week!) So I'm going to use a themed week sort of system and see how it goes.

Obviously this week's theme is Spanking; next week I'm going to focus on the G-Spot. If you have any topics you'd like to see me cover, lemme know in the comments and I'll see what I can do :-)

In my mind, for all intents and purposes, there are three kinds of spankings: pleasure spankings, punishment spankings, and punishment spankings you'd give a child. I'm not going into the third option here; for anyone interested in the politics of it I'll put a link in at the bottom.

Pleasure spankings are just that – pleasurable. All sorts of people can enjoy them, whether you're into any sort of kinky stuff or not. I read recently that as many as 40% of Americans embrace spanking in some shape or form... I'm guessing that this spans the scale of what qualifies as spanking, from the occasional little “love tap” to the rear to a hardcore domestic discipline or BDSM type scenario. The ass is definitely an erogenous zone for many people, so the combined slaps and rubs (or one or the other) can often really work for you in getting your partner aroused and ready for more. I'll feature a how to spank later this week for pleasure spankings :-)

Punishment spankings aren't directly pleasurable in and of themselves, although they can certainly arouse pleasure or lead to a pleasurable outcome. This is where the waters get muddied! Usually these are seen when there is some sort of more formal arrangement, and both parties have agreed to the spanking. Even though I definitely understand how some people would think that this is abuse, the truth is, for many people it can be a very healing experience.

Take myself, for instance. (I didn't create this blog to play show and tell with my private life... most of my “myself, for instances” will be pretty generic to illustrate a point...) Everyone tends to have moments in their lives when they feel like they're spiraling out of control, right? When I feel this way, a good spanking helps to set me back on the right track. It can be cathartic... you feel the pain or other emotion that you're carrying around with you rise to the surface and get released. It works the same with tears, if you're spanked hard enough to cry. Afterward, when you feel utterly empty and surrendered and safe and calm, the spankee receives aftercare from the spanker – and although there are many ways to play this scenario out, it could possibly consist of rubbing some sort of lotion or salve into the bottom, being held and comforted, or even loving, devoted sex.

What about you? Have you incorporated spanking in a big or small way into your sexual activities? Let me know in the comments!

If you're interested in a few links, here you go:

Pros and Cons for Parents (about corporal punishment for their children)

My Bottom Smarts  (a wonderful spanking blog I just found yesterday - and full of links to others)

PS- This post kinda sucks.  Sorry about that... but I can't put up the rest until I have some sort of intro written, right?  I may end up rewriting it :-) Oh! And I found the picture here.

Dictionary: Snowblowing

Welcome to the new feature (well, they're all new features, aren't they?) on Sex with Ida Virgin: a sex dictionary!  Every week I'm going to take a lesser known sexual term and define it.  Suggestions are welcome, since I honestly have no clue which definition I'll be posting next :-)

I heard this week's term from the movie “Stepmom”.


Me and my cousin used to watch it all the time when we were little; it was definitely one of our favorite movies. There's a scene in which Julia Roberts is comforting her stepdaughter about being picked on by boys at school. She coaches Anna on what to say to the guy, mentioning the term “snowblowing” briefly in passing. The term is never explained in the movie, and it used to drive me and my cousin absolutely up the wall that we didn't know what it meant.

Now that I know, it's not such a big deal. Personally, I don't see the appeal...but to each their own, right? 

Snowblowing : When a person gives oral sex to a man until he ejaculates in his/her mouth. After ejaculation, the man and the person kiss, sharing the ejaculate between their mouths.

Another definition is when a man or a woman snorts cocaine off of a man's penis and then gives him oral sex.

This term is also called snowballing.

Sex Map

I just spent about half an hour perusing the sex map. 

I find it fascinating.  I'd seen it somewhere before, but I found it again through Ms. Naughty's blog.  Her position in her blog post is that it's a bit offensive to have the more vanilla activities so close to the phobias, non-consent acts, and basically walled in by negativity. 

I have to admit that I do see her point, but as a kinky person myself... it has a bit of a logical flow to it.  Either way, click on the map and head on over to look at it in all it's glory.  It's pretty friggin cool.

Playlist: Pussy

Okay.  My taste in music does not normally run this way -- trust me. I'm eclectic, but Rammstein really isn't my thing.  However, several weeks ago a friend played this music video for me and ever since then the thought of it can send me into hordes of giggles. 

I just like the lyrics... and the extra syllables the singer adds at the end! 

"You have a pussy!  I have a dick(a)!  So what's the problem?  Let's do it quick!"

Please note that the video images are censored.  I tried to look for an uncensored version for you, but no luck...

What is Sex?

...and what is sexuality?

I'm starting this blog for one reason: I like sex.

I like my sexuality, and I'm interested in learning more about it. So I'm starting with what should be a really simple question, right? What is sex?

But the thing is, that I'm sitting here at my desk and realizing that attempting to define sex and sexuality is completely... not happening. Because the truth is, sex is life. It's everything. It's how we got here, it's what we do, it's what we are, and it drives the future of our population.

So this blog is about sex, sexuality, and life. It's about history and religion and popular culture and what happens in a bed (or up against a wall, or just about any other place you can think of!). It's about loving yourself and a partner. It's about dirty words and clinical terms.

This blog is about affirmations and positive experiences no matter which walk of life you're on.

And here is my affirmation: I am a beautiful, sensual, sexy woman. I am okay with who I am – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am unashamed.

What pep talk can you give yourself today?